January 08, 2007
More submission thoughts
Fueled on by the slightest of input, I will now wax eloquent...well, I'll think aloud some more on the topic of submission.
When I was folk dancing, I was a vital part of the male/female dance unit. The pair flies around the room in a tight polka, and have to hold on tight to fight centrifugal force. I mean, I had to hold on to the dude's shoulder! None of this namby pamby ballroom frame...I had to be there and maintain:
*rhythm
*momentum
*balance
...all while following his lead. That's right: I'm doing the same steps, in heeled shoes, going backwards and spinning. Yep. And when I didn't dance with Aleks (he was my favorite dance partner, cause he was good and a good leader), I had to adjust my following-technique. (Being a good dancer myself, the adjusting was mostly intuitive.)
I think s. is like that. No rag doll business! Gotta be a strong, firm dance partner. Gotta follow his lead. Gotta know the steps. Gotta have a leader who will communicate (that's COMMUNICATE) with you! Gotta keep the counterbalance going, the momentum, the rhythm of the dance going.
Ooh, ooh the metaphor gets better when you add the other couples in the dance. We wove and danced in big circles and little circles and did the Grand Chain and spun polkas with other partners and finally ended up back at home base. That's a thought on the Body of Christ.
And rehearsals. We worked hard. We'd work a particular section over and over, and then speed the tempo up, then did the whole dance together. We kept going when someone stumbled. But we had to work hard to make the performance beautiful.
AND the spectators thought they were getting the most beautiful show, but I knew better. We had the most fun. We had the sweat and challenge of the rehearsal, the fun of finally hitting it and dancing it again because "We finally got it!" We had the pleasure of weaving in and out and spinning and going and being carried along by the tempo.
Whew. All that to say that s. is not for ragdolls. It's a co-worker's activity. Not just like "Co-captain" but truly a parallel, a fellow, a comrade (in the strictly non-USSR sense).
AND s. is not just for wives. It's the way we are best able to show our love and devotion to our Lord Jesus--by respecting and s. to our husbands--but other non-wives are certainly able to take part in s.
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August 30, 2006
Submission 'Defined'
Here's a draft of a post I wrote a couple weeks ago. I finally finished it. Here it is. It's not edited or anything...just a rough cut.
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American Heritage Dictionary:
1. a. The act of submitting to the power of another: “Oppression that cannot be overcome does not give rise to revolt but to submission” (Simone Weil).
b. The state of having submitted. See Synonyms at surrender.
2. The state of being submissive or compliant; meekness.
Roget's New Millenium Thesaurus:
Main Entry: submission
Part of Speech: noun
Definition: compliance
Synonyms: acquiescence, appeasement, assent, backdown, bowing, capitulation, cringing, defeatism, deference, docility, giving in, humbleness, humility, malleability, meekness, nonresistance, obedience, passivism, passivity, pliability, prostration, recreancy, resignation, servility, subjection, submissiveness, submitting, surrender, tractability, unassertiveness, yielding
How can a hallmark of a relationship be defined? How can I boil my heart and my attitude and my goal down to a series of words? And read these words! "Acquiescence." Ok. "Deference." Not bad. "Giving in." Sure. "Humbleness and humility." Ok. But "cringing?" "Capitulation?" "Servility?" "Subjection?" No. No! I am not a mouse! I am not a scullery maid! I am not a bowing, servile, cringing house-elf who must punish herself when she has an independent thought! I'm a wife, a mate, a partner.
I don't want some pagan unchurched person reading Roget and getting the idea that we are commanded to adopt the mindset of a slave. That is not biblical, and it's not right.
Here is what I've figured out in a year and a month and a week of marriage:
- It's a relationship. It's dynamic, fluid, and filled with change.
- It's a process. We have to take it day by day and sometimes minute by minute.
- Submission works best when a godly, trustworthy, loving man sacrificially cares for and nurtures me. (How do women whose husbands are selfish and selfcentered and ungodly manage?)
- Submission is taking the nature of a servant. It is having an attitude where I don't scrap and fight for my way...it's letting the control-freak tendency go, and choosing to be governed by a set of principals that aren't necessarily my own. But remember, too, that Christianity is basically the same thing. Taking the nature of a servant? Check. Being willing to yield? Check. Yep, those are commands we carry in our Christian walk anyway, so taking the same commands and applying them to my success or failure as a wife isn't a burden. I'm working towards those goals anyway as I walk to heaven.
The rest of it all I'm still learning. I know how it looks in my life and in my heart when I'm not submissive. That's what I shy from. I am working toward deeper and deeper compliance to the command Christ gave us: Love one another. How do I love the Dude? The Bible tells me how: Wives, submit to your husbands in the Lord. It really grates me at times but I know enough to know that Scripture tells us the truth, including the truth of how best to show the Dude that I love him. So there you go.
Posted by The Newest Worker at 04:31 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
Wifely Thoughts
When I was engaged and excited about moving and dreaming of being a bride, I imagined marriage to be superfantastic. I would exchange my life, my ministry, my task of ministering to classrooms full of students for a ministry to one man.
It has been that way. Superfantastic. Great. But it's also been tough. I want my own life too. But I can't have both, and here I am.
Posted by The Newest Worker at 03:49 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
March 31, 2006
Moderately connected thoughts upon returning from Dahlonega
I haven't written a good "On this day in history" post in a while, and have allowed our engagement anniversary to pass by. No worries, friends, I'll do some serious backblogging, but first I must post some of my deep thoughts regarding marriage.
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I just returned from a little trip to Sister's in North Georgia. She and her husband are housesitting and their temporary home is great, and it was a really nice time to be there with her.
I noticed the way she and her husband interact. One of the things I value most about The Dude is his friendship, and I see that Sister has a friendship with her husband too. They get each other and value each other...and let a lot of crap slide.
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I often tell myself and my single friends that I used to be single and I get the struggle, I get the pain...I get it. But I wonder if I really do. I remember being single and hanging out with my Newlywed Sister and being pissed off at her telling me she understood how I felt. Now that I've crossed the Grand Canyon (got married) I don't think I can claim that I do get it now...that I understand your feelings, singles.
I remember the feelings. I remember them well, but I don't have them now. I've adjusted to the state of matrimony, of being half of an us and living with a roommate that I love and live for (he would die for me...it's a fair trade off), I don't remember the single estate anymore.
Anyone out there ever had chronic pain? Or recurrent pain? You don't remember the pain once it's passed. You remember that it did hurt at that time, but you can't recall the actual texture of the pain, the way it rippled up and down your leg when you tried to move it, like fire and ice and an axe all at once only inside your leg but not in the bone... That's how we Married People who remember Singleness are. We recall the loneliness of being single, but can't feel it again.
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One of my college profs used to say "We have more in common than we have separating us" when she spoke of gender differences--biological, psychological, behavioral, and so on. That's true for Marrieds and Singles too.
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Think of this, Singles. I was recently looking for a teaching job (again) on a job board and kept getting my hopes up then remembering "Oh yeah. I can't just up and move to Atlanta, to Florida, to Arizona, to San Francisco where the jobs are. I'm stuck here."
I'm not stuck in a bad way (I am not complaining!). But I'm glued to this man where he is and he's glued to me. In the past I could (and did!) up and move to where to jobs were, and now I can't. That's one thing you have over us Marrieds.
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Sister was telling me about one of her grad. school classmates who complains constantly. They're 2.5 years into the 3.5 year program, so the sobriety of knowing that "200+ people applied to be in this class at this university, and I'm one of 24 that got in...tons of people would be happy to be here where I am" has worn off.
That's typical, but then Sister mentioned that this classmate also attends that same church as Sister and her husband. (How often do I complain and turn people off to the gospel? How often do I complain and turn my own thoughts off how much God has blessed me and onto how much he is using my struggles to grow, discipline, and refine me?)
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The Dude has been grading papers this week (it's his spring break). He's really tired of it, and finally turned the tube onto a Stupid Movie. It's good to hear him laugh.
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Thanks to Bobbo for the shout out on your blog. I'm very complimented.
The first time I thought "___ is like ___" was in high school...traveling to Denver every Friday night with Dad (1.5 hours one way) to Latvian Folk Dance Practice. I love dancing, esp. the polka, and I'm good, and it's fun.
Dancing a fast polka is like marriage. You have to trust your partner, you have to listen to the tempo and speed up or slow down as necessary, and you have to move as if your two bodies are one. This moves the center of gravity out of your torso, forward into the space between your bodies. You counterbalance each other and lean back into each others arms. Every couple has to figure out that fine balance for themselves, and practice, and trust each other. The crux is that you're not walking, you're not running, you're not an individual anymore...you are part of a dance pair and your body can't move like you're out there all alone anymore. You have to acknowledge your partner with more than just lip service...with your whole physical being you have to KNOW that it's not just walking anymore.
Boy-o that was rambly! I guess you have to be a dancer to get it. A polka-ist.
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I hear big splashes of rain outside my window. I love the sound of rain and the smell of it.
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