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May 25, 2007
Roller Coaster
When I was little, I hated roller coasters. The feeling of being out of control freaked me out. I also hated spicy food. I hated trying any new food. (What if I didn't like it?)
Now I like spicy food. And one of my Hawaii friends pointed out to me the foolishness of new-food-fear: what's the worst that could happen if I don't like it? (Don't get me wrong! I will never be a food critic, blissfully ordering the most obscure dish on the menu and commenting that "the calamari's legs are a little rubbery while its body is undercooked, releasing too much juice in my mouth" will never be me.)
But a roller coaster career? Not my cup of tea. I feel like I've been going up and down a roller coaster, or round and round a Tilt-a-Whirl, trying to decide what I really want to do with my life. Teaching? Counseling? Advertising copy writer? Proofreader? Writer? Yikes!
I discuss this problem with my church lady friends, and they just tell me to have a baby. I don't think that's the solution, though. Flood my life with busybusybusy-ness to distract myself from the fact that I am dissatisfied with my current career path? No, that's just as foolish as a man saying he wants to get married because he struggles with viewing p----graphy.
But maybe the ride is ending now. I know that's cryptic, but it's too soon to be sure. Stay tuned, though.
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May 24, 2007
Good Works, Part I
My cousin and her husband gave me a place to stay when I moved to Central Pennsylvania until I found my own place. They were so kind and hospitable. I really appreciated them.
My godparents love their kids and grandkids. They gave my brother in law a place to stay (this is her cousin's daughter's husband) while he did a summer-long internship in Denver.
Just a couple of examples of people who are Good People, doing nice things for others that go above and beyond.
But...my cousin and her husband both have indifferent hearts toward the Lord. My godmother has said, "You know, if I were to follow any religion, I'd be a Buddhist, because Buddha was a human, unlike any other religion founder." They all do 'good things' and are 'good people' but don't love the Lord.
I know that the Bible is true when it says "Without faith nobody will see God" and that Jesus is "the way, truth, and life." But I wish there were some more about people who do good, service-oriented things for others but who don't take the step of committing their way to the Lord.
The good things they do are noticed. They are blessings. These good acts are gifts to those that receive them. They are greatly appreciated. But they won't earn you any more real estate in heaven. Read these verses:
The Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.
1 Samuel 16:7 *
For this is the love of God, that we keep his commandments. And his commands are not burdensome.
1 John 5:3
God doesn't look at a tally sheet: good acts vs. bad acts, like a score sheet. He looks at sins committed vs. sins forgiven. To hate him and refuse to believe in his son is sin. No amount of good works will ever counterbalance that sin, because that's simply not the way it works! The only act that will ever earn you real estate in heaven is believing in his son and trusting in Jesus to save you from your sins. (Please be reconciled to him!)
Soon I'll write Part II. Stay tuned.
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* I took this quote out of the end of the story. In the story, King Saul, the first king of Israel, disobeyed God's command to destroy every living creature of the Amalekites. He decided to make a big sacrifice of all their livestock instead. The act of making sacrifices was not sinful in and of itself. But there were a couple things King Saul should have done. He should have listened to God's command to destroy everything Amalekite. AND even if he were to make a sacrifice, it wasn't his business to do the actual sacrificing. No, he should have let a priest (specifically Samuel) do it; Saul was a king and he had no business meddling in a priest's job. So, since he disobeyed, he was cut off. God said, "I look at your heart! You are used to looking at the outward actions, but I look at the heart." Read the whole story here.
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May 23, 2007
Taking a map along
Rand McNally, you are for me the Platonic Form of maps. I am most familiar with your style, your notations, the colors and symbols you choose. You are my Map King. (And who knew? Rand has his own website!)
The graduation dinner was at 6pm in Gainesville, GA, at the Chattahoochee Country Club. That's about a 3-hour drive for me from home, so I had to leave no later than 3...and if I wanted some cushion-time, I could have cushion-time. So I ended up leaving at about 2:20. I used the last 20 minutes to check online map sites, none of which were my friend Rand's site. (I seriously did not know Rand had expanded to the internet till 3 minutes ago when I typed 'Who knew?') I even checked CCC's Directions. I wrote them out on my little notepad.
But I did not have a map with me.
The first problem came when I was driving south. I failed to note that my first turn, onto Highway 41, was deceptive. Highway 41 parallels Interstate 75 for a while. I noticed a sign for Highway 41 at my very first exit, and got mildly concerned. I pulled over and made some calls and finally decided to take Highway 52 to Dahlonega, then 60 to Gainesville.
Crisis averted! I made it and everything was ok. Until I got in the car to leave and drive home. It was 10:30 till I got on the road, and I was tired. The radio told me that there was heavy rain predicted for the area, but not until early morning. With my amazing knowledge of local weather patterns (storms tend to travel from the west to the east), I surmised that I'd drive through the big storm at some point on my trek west and north.
I was right. It hit at about 11:30, right about when I was slated to turn onto Highway 76. (Brilliantly, I decided to take a different route to I-75. At night. In the rain. Without a map. When I'm tired. Brilliant, right?)
Nope. I got lost and, being so tired, my irrational imagination came to the fore, and while I was on the phone with the Dude, lost it. Crying, panic, the whole bit. Meanwhile, he's tired too, and I didn't realize it till I heard him saying, "Honey, my eyes are crossing and I can't tell what road you are on." Makes sense now, but in the mist at the time (literal and figurative), I lost it even more. (There's something about dark and rain and strange roads that make me go "Creepy!" to myself, assuming that ghosts or aliens or ghost aliense will come out of the trees and get me.)
Sigh. Fast-forward forty-five minutes (which are all filled with tension, tears, anger, frustration, and helplessness...I do not need to elaborate any more), when I've taken my 3rd detour (all guided by my tired, so-exhausted-my-eyes-are-crossing hubby), when I finally see a "TO INTERSTATE 75" sign.
Why oh why didn't I save myself some trouble and just bring my own darn map? Silly me. I'll bring a map for sure next time.
(In fact, when I got home at about 1:30 that night, The Dude had packed a lot of my overnight case for the next day. He had my Rand McNally right there, on the top of the pile.)
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I'm a sucker for personality tests
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May 22, 2007
It's one am
It's one am and I am tired but cannot sleep.
A long time has passed since I have blogged; some of you may find that to be a relief, and others might wonder where I've been. If you care, you know my email address and you can email me...or call me...to see where I've been.
Things are looking up at work. I do tasks now that are suited more to my skills and talents. It's such a relief to be doing something that I am good at. To be stuck in a job that you hate, that's a dead-end job, that makes you feel like nothing but a cog in a giant corporate invincible machine...is there anything worse?
The Dude and I went on a date (a real date!) Saturday night after my shift at the store. It was very nice. First to dinner at Tony's in the Art District (despite what some say, I like it. I also like Provino's. I suppose that reveals my gauche taste), then walking across the bridge. We walked all the way to Clumpie's and had yummy (and expensive) ice cream. While on the bridge I spotted 4 Covenant students...they were wearing Ghetto and Covenant Soccer T-shirts, so it's not like there was some great aura about them. We chatted with them and were pleasantly surprised at the lingo we share.
It was a very nice evening. But now it is back to the grindstone. The Dude is in the midst of Final Exams. Yes, it's so busy and pressure-filled around here. But school will soon be out and we can have a change of pace.
In other news:
Mom and Dad, Sister and Brother-in-Law, The Salt Family, and The Aunt --- all together for a whole week. I can't wait!
We watched the last episode of this season of 24 tonight. Jack saved the world again, but how will he save the world this January??? To be honest, I really do not care that much, but The Dude does. So there you go.
And one more:
She's in Uganda with Dr. K. (No, not Dr. Death, non-Covenant-College readers. Dr. Krabbendam, a tall Dutch theology professor of ours who has achieved iconic status on campus.) I dropped her off at the airport. I miss her. Soon she will be home and I can call her. Sadly, she has graduated and I can no longer hang out with her, unless she settles somewhere in this area. But calling works great, and I'm so used to only having phone contact with my loved ones, so she will fit fright in.
Oh, so on this date with the Dude, the River was achingly lovely in the dark with lights and lights reflecting wetly off it. I love that part of living here, and there's a lot I love about living here, but my family is so dang far away.
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May 16, 2007
Lessons Learned from Retail #451
No matter how much of a jerk that rude fellow is, if you simply do not answer his rude barbs, he will not win.
You won't win, either, but a draw is better than a win if winning means lowering yourself to his level.
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But my family knows me
As much as I appreciate the InLaws trying to get to know me, it's not the same as being with my family, the family that gets all the in-jokes (heck, we wrote them! Want to read some? Ok: "Gilbert!" "What a tall McDonald's sign." "Mind if I...vomit?" "Mother!" "...wipe and mother...")
They get where I am coming from. They understand when I'm kidding and when I'm being serious.
They get where I am. They understand what I feel about/believe about/am convicted about any number of topics, and they get which ones are the most important topics to me. (Pre/postlapsarianism? No, don't care. A/pre/post millenial? No, not so much. Paper or plastic? No, don't care about that either. How do we treat one another? That's what I care about. Will we include one another in our lives? Yes, I care. Does including take effort? Of course, but it's worth it.)
They get where I am going. I am a wife, a woman, a Christian, I have a job, I want to be a mom someday, I am a sister, a granddaughter...and I am learning more and more which ones of these to prioritize.
In short, they get me. I get them. And we love each other enough to love across miles, across changes, to let new people in the circle and feel like they belong, too. We delight in togetherness and we miss you when you should be here but you aren't.
Love you, guys.
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May 15, 2007
Shock and Surprise
Yes, I do. I like them. This is surprising because of all the forces aligned against us. Culture says wives aren't supposed to like their husband's family...especially not her mother-in-law. But thankfully, I've been freed from that silliness. This is not to say we haven't worked at it, or that we don't have our foibles, but we sure have succeeded where others have failed.
There's FatherinLaw. He's a pastor. He's an introvert, an intellectual man. He's an observer, and I've learned, he doesn't like being peppered with questions. He's an excellent preacher. He's a good man.
MotherinLaw shows her love by doing. She runs the home...food, laundry, cleaning, you name it! It's always clean, which is astounding; she runs a daycare in her home. She also loves to give gifts. She loves pretty things and rotates all the knickknacks in her home monthly. (That way they aren't all out at once, causing an eyeball overload.) She plans ahead and is able to throw parties from 1000 miles away because she plans every detail and takes everything she needs with her. Wow.
BrotherinLaw #1 is married, and he and his wife are having a baby in August. I haven't had much time to spend with them, but they are a really neat couple and are going to make awesome parents. They both work hard at their jobs. If only we lived closer to them (or if they lived closer to us), we'd get along really well. They are, like I said, really neat people.
SisterinLaw is a good friend of mine. She's funny, organized, clever, sensitive, humble, and fun. She's one of those people you have to take time to get to know (probably not someone I'd have put the effort into in my college days, to my loss), but once you cross the walls, she really opens up. She's a lot like her brother: needs to be allowed to open up, doesn't like to be pried open, loves to listen and to share, a hard worker and a servant's heart. Like every woman I've ever known, she thinks too low of herself and doesn't realize her quality and value. A good friend, and I can't wait for what the Lord has in store for our relationship in the future.
And BrotherinLaw #2. He's a soph in college now. The typical 'baby of the family,' he longs to blaze his own trail, be his own man, and carve his own name on territory instead of following in everyone else's footsteps. But he's also a funny guy, interesting, clever, hardworking, a listener (like the rest of them), an adventurer, and a loner. He'd be a great Survivorman. It's taken a while for the two of us to connect, but I believe we finally have and I for one am thankful to get to know him, who he is, instead of just guessing based on typical patterns like 'baby of the family,' 'outgoing,' 'outdoorsy,' and whatever The Dude and SisterinLaw have shared with me.
There's also niece/nephew, and what a delight. S/He's not even my blood family, but I already ache with joy and love for her/him. What will s/he be like? How will s/he change our family? How will s/he be shaped by his/her parents? Can't wait!
So, how will God continue to shape and change me...and them...via each other? I've been tenderized and sanctified through them. They've had some of their weak spots exposed and hopefully shored up through me. What's down the road for us? I do not know, but I know that God has already worked (haha) miracles in our relationship. It didn't start well, but here we are, and I really care for them...and I actually like them and like spending time with them. I love them.
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May 08, 2007
I like being with my family
Dad has a servant's heart and is a do-er. He loves to do things for you to show you how much he loves you. He hooked up our washing machine and our new dryer; he hung a few pictures, and he was the Cinco de Mayo fiesta bartender (makes a mean margarita, so they say, but I don't like margaritas). He's kind and will do anything it takes to show you he loves you.
Mom is a servant as well. She loves to show hospitality, and if you leave her house without eating some food she'll feel that she failed. She laughs and enjoys herself, and some of her favorite jokes occur when two people notice the humor in a situation at the same time. She's a good storyteller and tells stories of her childhood, and you get from the story what makes her who she is.
Sister and I have taken some time to become friends, and one of the ironies is that we've finally really become friends -- the kind of friends who would go grocery shopping together -- right when she and her husband move to Colorado. It's hard to spend time together when you live 1400 miles away. But she's a hard worker, the hardest worker I can think of. She's generous, forgiving, fun and funny, sensitive, and good with people. Now that she's graduated, baby time might be coming, and she'll make a great mom. I can't wait to see how she'll be as we grow older.
Brother in Law...a great foil for Sister, a great Son in Law, and a good son and brother. He's kind and caring, another servant, forgiving, and energetic. And you know what? This is a short paragraph, but it's all true. He's giving, servant-hearted, and loving, and a really good balance for my sister. I love him.
I miss them. I like them. I like who I am with them. I like how we all fit together in great ways and hard ways, rubbing off on one another, rubbing each other the wrong way, blessing and sanctification all rolled into one.
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I miss my family
They all live in Colorado now, and it was really nice being together again. Sister had a Cinco de Mayo fiesta to celebrate her graduation and we really let loose at the party.
But how do you put something like this into words? I just say, "I miss them," but it's the same words every time. I can't say in this venue what it is that evokes that loneliness when it hits me, but I know it's there. It's the same words each time and if I try to describe, the words just fall flat.
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May 07, 2007
Post-Gradution Round Up
I miss my family.
I like being with my family.
Shock and surprise -- I like my inlaws.
But my family knows me.
I've got to take a map along when I drive someplace. No matter how many times I check GoogleMaps.
I'm a good driver.
Graduations are always the same.
And, one last thing: here's my itinerary from that weekend.
Confused? I'll expand later. Now I have to go to work!
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