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March 31, 2006
Moderately connected thoughts upon returning from Dahlonega
I haven't written a good "On this day in history" post in a while, and have allowed our engagement anniversary to pass by. No worries, friends, I'll do some serious backblogging, but first I must post some of my deep thoughts regarding marriage.
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I just returned from a little trip to Sister's in North Georgia. She and her husband are housesitting and their temporary home is great, and it was a really nice time to be there with her.
I noticed the way she and her husband interact. One of the things I value most about The Dude is his friendship, and I see that Sister has a friendship with her husband too. They get each other and value each other...and let a lot of crap slide.
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I often tell myself and my single friends that I used to be single and I get the struggle, I get the pain...I get it. But I wonder if I really do. I remember being single and hanging out with my Newlywed Sister and being pissed off at her telling me she understood how I felt. Now that I've crossed the Grand Canyon (got married) I don't think I can claim that I do get it now...that I understand your feelings, singles.
I remember the feelings. I remember them well, but I don't have them now. I've adjusted to the state of matrimony, of being half of an us and living with a roommate that I love and live for (he would die for me...it's a fair trade off), I don't remember the single estate anymore.
Anyone out there ever had chronic pain? Or recurrent pain? You don't remember the pain once it's passed. You remember that it did hurt at that time, but you can't recall the actual texture of the pain, the way it rippled up and down your leg when you tried to move it, like fire and ice and an axe all at once only inside your leg but not in the bone... That's how we Married People who remember Singleness are. We recall the loneliness of being single, but can't feel it again.
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One of my college profs used to say "We have more in common than we have separating us" when she spoke of gender differences--biological, psychological, behavioral, and so on. That's true for Marrieds and Singles too.
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Think of this, Singles. I was recently looking for a teaching job (again) on a job board and kept getting my hopes up then remembering "Oh yeah. I can't just up and move to Atlanta, to Florida, to Arizona, to San Francisco where the jobs are. I'm stuck here."
I'm not stuck in a bad way (I am not complaining!). But I'm glued to this man where he is and he's glued to me. In the past I could (and did!) up and move to where to jobs were, and now I can't. That's one thing you have over us Marrieds.
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Sister was telling me about one of her grad. school classmates who complains constantly. They're 2.5 years into the 3.5 year program, so the sobriety of knowing that "200+ people applied to be in this class at this university, and I'm one of 24 that got in...tons of people would be happy to be here where I am" has worn off.
That's typical, but then Sister mentioned that this classmate also attends that same church as Sister and her husband. (How often do I complain and turn people off to the gospel? How often do I complain and turn my own thoughts off how much God has blessed me and onto how much he is using my struggles to grow, discipline, and refine me?)
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The Dude has been grading papers this week (it's his spring break). He's really tired of it, and finally turned the tube onto a Stupid Movie. It's good to hear him laugh.
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Thanks to Bobbo for the shout out on your blog. I'm very complimented.
The first time I thought "___ is like ___" was in high school...traveling to Denver every Friday night with Dad (1.5 hours one way) to Latvian Folk Dance Practice. I love dancing, esp. the polka, and I'm good, and it's fun.
Dancing a fast polka is like marriage. You have to trust your partner, you have to listen to the tempo and speed up or slow down as necessary, and you have to move as if your two bodies are one. This moves the center of gravity out of your torso, forward into the space between your bodies. You counterbalance each other and lean back into each others arms. Every couple has to figure out that fine balance for themselves, and practice, and trust each other. The crux is that you're not walking, you're not running, you're not an individual anymore...you are part of a dance pair and your body can't move like you're out there all alone anymore. You have to acknowledge your partner with more than just lip service...with your whole physical being you have to KNOW that it's not just walking anymore.
Boy-o that was rambly! I guess you have to be a dancer to get it. A polka-ist.
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I hear big splashes of rain outside my window. I love the sound of rain and the smell of it.
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March 27, 2006
When Your Cashier is an Acquaintance...
...there's uncomfortable Cognitive Dissonance.
I cashiered for a former adjunct professor and current colleague of The Dude's this Saturday, and it's interesting how she kept apologizing for making me help her though all her decisions while ringing her out. It's my job, and I'm used to it. But I think for her it was awkward to be giving me instructions (one might even say 'orders' but I wouldn't) as if I were just another cashier...but she kept remembering that I'm not Just Another Cashier, I'm Her Colleague's Wife. I felt kind of sorry for her, because it's customary to treat cashiers like they are part of the background--and when the cashier is an acquaintance what do you do? Which social rules do you follow?
We got through it ok (yes, it was ok) but it caught my attention enough to ponder it a bit.
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March 16, 2006
Good Morning Blogland!
I woke up this morning feeling like it was Saturday. And it is my Saturday; I've got to work tomorrow and the next day, but not today! So, happy Day Off to me.
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My title says "Good morning, Blogland." Who exactly am I talking to? Sometimes I feel like I'm partaking in meaningful discourse here on the 'net, and other times I feel as if I am doing nothing but writing messages on slips of paper, depositing them in empty Coke bottles, sealing them, and dropping them in the ocean. Who really reads this stuff?
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I just finished reading the Anne series yesterday. Recently Elissa posted about LM Montgomery and was really inspired by her interpretation of Montgomery's works. I totally agree, and enjoyed finishing this trek through Anne-Shirley-Blythe-land with Elissa's interpretation there to help me see new depth to the books. Here's a quote I read yesterday.
"...What would it be like not to wake up in the morning feeling afraid of the news the day would bring? I can't picture such a state of things somehow. And two years ago this spring I woke wondering what delightful gift the new day would give me. These are the two years I thought would be filled with fun."
"Would you exchange them--now--for two years filled with fun?"
"No," said Rilla slowly. "I wouldn't. It's strange--isn't it?--They have been two terrible years--and yet I have a queer feeling of thankfulness for them--as if they had bright me something very precious, with all their pain. I wouldn't want to go back and be the girl I was two years ago, not even if I could. Not that I think I've made any wonderful progress--but I'm not quite the selfish, frivolous little doll I was then. I suppose I had a soul then--but I didn't know it. I know it now--and that is worth a great deal--worth all the suffering of the past two years. And still--I don't want to suffer any more--not even for the sake of more soul growth. At the end of two more years I might look back and be thankful for the development they had brought me, too; but I don't want it now."
"We never do," said Miss Oliver. "That is why we are not left to choose our own means and measure of development, I suppose. No matter how much we value what our lessons have brought us we don't want to go on with the bitter schooling."
Lucy Maud Montgomery. Rilla of Ingleside. New York: Bantam, 1992.
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I overheard two colleagues talking yesterday about Bible study, and I was shocked to find out that one was a Christian. This colleague does not act like it--only giving customers the treatment they earn, not what they deserve. Treating the rude customers rudely, as if to get even with them. I admit I am sorely tempted to do the same thing. I often do behave the same way--but I fight against it. (Would my colleagues be shocked to discover I'm a Christian? Do I display grace and the gospel in my life?)
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The Dude and I went to dinner together Tuesday night. I had just an awful shift (hayfever!) and didn't want to cook, and thanks to my parents, we could afford a dinner out. Macaroni Grill, mmmm. We took our books along, but tried to think of things to say to each other...but nothing came. So we read and ate and didn't-talk. All I had to say was "I've got a headache and I'm tired of my job and I'm sick of this life and I want a better job" and he probably also had nothing better to say...so we didn't say the same old junk to each other but just kept our own counsel and let books entertain us. It was lovely.
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More proof that humor is cultural: The Shoe Department Guy came by my register today and told this joke: "You know, 3 out of 4 women prefer The Department Store Lipstick. The 4th woman got hives from it, but didn't care, because at least she had lips like Angelina Jolie!"
I laughed heartily, but my customers did not. They were a little offended. The thing is, we know The Department Store Makeup is good product, and we work all day in the store, listening to the automated PA announecement remind us (about once an hour) that The Department Store Lipstick is preferred by 3 out of 4 women. The Shoe Guy is funny, kind, a hard worker, and dependable, so the joke coming from him was funny--esp. because I knew what he was alluding to, while the customers didn't have the particular wording and intonation and detail of the PA announcement engraved into their memories. Hah.
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What would our command of Scripture be like if we meditated on Scripture as much as I (and my Department Store colleagues) 'meditate' on 1) The Makeup Announcement, 2)The Department Store Credit Card announcement, 3) various pages from around the store, and 4) even the automated announcement telling us "Shoes. Call on [pause] line [pause] one." ? How much more would we set our thoughts on Christ if we meditated on a memory verse every time we heard any particular announcement?
That's a good idea, and I'm gonna mention it to fellow believers at The Department Store.
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Well, off to erranding. I'm excited about being productive today, but I am finding I need help being accountable--I need lists to make sure I get stuff done. So I am going to put a couple loads of laundry in, go to WalTopia, buy a steno notebook to keep my daily Todo's in, come home, put the laundry over, and watch The West Wing on Bravo while I fold laundry, iron, boil potatoes, and redd up. Bye-bye!
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March 13, 2006
Summertime!
So The Dude and I sat and figured out our First Draft of summer travel plans. We did this yesterday, and parts of it hinge on earnings statements and on others' plans, but I just heard that my parents AND my sis and brotherinlaw are headed to Center Hill for Happy Camp.
(Here's an espository paragraph. Several years ago, my distant cousins got interested in being with family again and decided to come up to Center Hill from Central PA while my family and I were there. They are used to a much more active and social life than the countryside can offer, so my mom decided to plan activities for the weekend they were up--and called it Happy Camp. Then, she planned Happy Camp II for the summer of 2002, and the cousins enjoyed it so much that they took the banner and planned Happy Camp III for last summer [and wondered why we didn't all go. They must not have realized that we had a family wedding that summer], and are planning Happy Camp IV for this summer. We--my nuclear family--didn't go to Happy Camp III so we are all planning to go to Happy Camp IV. This concludes the expository paragraph.)
That's the good news--that we'll all be at Happy Camp IV together. It'll be a zoo. There will by my grandparents, of course, the hosts, and mom and her brother. Mom's family will all be there--Dad and my sister and I and our husbands. Mom's brother and his wife will be there, along with his daughters, my cousins, and their husbands. Cousin 2 has a stepdaugher, who will be there too, and the cousins' mother (uncle's exwife) and her commonlaw husband will be there too. Yep, a full house. Woo hoo.
We also plan on swinging out to Western Ohio to see The Dude's Grandmother. It'd be nice to see her.
(Another paragraph, but this one is just an interjection... We both have family in Chicago. My Aunt [Dad's side of the family] and several of his aunts and uncles all live in Chicagoland. I think it would be a supercool trip to plan a Chicago retreat one summer. The two of us could visit with our families, and possibly Sister and her husband and Mom and Dad could all congragate in Chicago to see things like The Sears Tower [Cheese Torn, haha**], the Architectural Chicago River boat tour, Navy Pier, and Buckingham Fountain. It's a great city!!! We'd have to do something brand new for all of us--maybe hit a museum none of us has seen or find a historical or literary place of significance. Doesn't that sound fun!? End of interjectory paragraph.)
So, in addition to the Center Hill Happy Camp IV stop of our trip, The Dude and I are also planning to hit Central PA to see my old haunts and friends and church; we'll also hit Western PA to see his old haunts and friends and church.
Hopefully we will also add the Western Leg of the trip--headed out to Kansas and Colorado for an as-yet-undetermined amount of time. It's just that it's so far away and--such a long drive. Whew.
But spring always makes me get a bug under my skin--makes me want to plan a summer trip and travel and look forward to the travelling. Isn't it exciting?
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**Cheese Torn...the last time I was in Chicago, we were all there (minus The Dude) for the Latvian Song and Dance Festival for North America. We attended just about every event, which let us sleep about 4 hours a night. We were pretty punchy, and one of our family jokes was "Cheese Torn." In Latvian, the word for cheese sounds a lot like "Sears" and the word for tower is "tornis." Hence the translation: "Sears Tower" = "Cheese Tower" = "Cheese Torn." It's funny if you're a Latvian-American. Otherwise, understand that humor is cultural.
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March 09, 2006
2 by 2
Why do we so often think there are only two ways to do things? "It's my way or the other way I could imagine doing this" is what we think.
I was walking through WalWorld the other day when The Dude exclaimed "What would anybody want to eat a corn husk for?" I told him that Latinos eat tamales and they put the filling in soaked corn husks then steam the whole thing then unwrap it when it's time to eat it.
It seemed obvious to me, but you'd never think of eating a corn husk if you didn't know, would you? I wouldn't. There have to be more than just two ways of doing things, right? What variables do we always forget to factor into our assessments of life? There is always something, and that's what makes life interesting (or frustrating, depending on your resiliency and willingness to learn new ways of doing things).
Posted by The Newest Worker at 02:27 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack
Thursday ToDo
It seems as though I get stuff done better when I have a todo list.
Here's my first draft:
Constraints:
Pick up The Dude at 6:45
-leave at 6:25
Eat dinner at 7:30/45
-roast beef, cooks 4 hours, take out of oven ~7:15. Put in oven at ~3:15. No later than 3:15
-salad, you can chop it up now.
-veggie...try peas.
-fresh biscuits? prep all then roll and pop in oven at 7:30, bake 10 minutes.
todo:
-devotions
-exercise
-lunch
-grocery store
-clean kitchen (yikes!)
-clean house (yikes!!)
-put laundry away
-vacuum
-set VCR for 8pm
-call for car appt
-call for eye appt
-dinner prep (thaw RB, chop chop the salad, premake biscuits)
today's schedule:
11: redd up, set VCR
noon: lunch, make groc. list
12:30 grocery
1 call for eye appt, call for car appt
2 clean kitchen
2:30 clean house, put laundry away
3:vacuum
3:15 roast beef in oven, dinner prep
4
5:15 devotions
5:45 exercise
6
6:10 shower
6:25 leave
There. Aren't you proud of me? And here's a nugget for me to chew on (and for you to read):
Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is. Ephesians 5:15-17 ESV
So my instructions for today are clear: look carefully how I walk. Make the best use of the time. Be wise (by understanding what the will of the Lord is). For me, for today, it's fulfilling responsibilities. It's doing the schedule to do God's will (to avoid that paralyzing guilt that overwhelms when I shirk duty). So, off I go. No more blogging till later.
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Pride and Pique and Revenge
For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you. Romans 12:3 NIV
That's the verse in NIV, the version I grew up on. Here it is in ESV:
For by the grace given to me I say to everyone among you not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think with sober judgment, each according to the measure of faith that God has assigned. Romans 12:3 ESV
It kept popping into my head yesterday, at the most inconvenient times. Every time I was singed by the subtle heat of a customer's pride, arrogance, consumerism, or disdain, I wanted to quote it at them.
But then I realize that the verse was written for me to take it to heart, not for me to hit others with. It doesn't matter if others need to hear it (well, it does, but keep reading while I rework what I mean by that).
It's not my job to go around chiding others for pride which hurts (or just irritates) others. It's my job to listen to the Holy Spirit teach me when he brings verses like this one into my head. He'll teach others in his time.
And, besides that, my desire to lecture others yesterday was not brought on by a desire to serve and love others. It was brought on by pride, by pique, by the desire to get back at these people who don't care about the cashier enough to look at her while she rings them up. Sheesh. So the verse is for me. Let me call it to mind again, and while I do, you read it again.
For by the grace given to me I say to everyone among you not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think with sober judgment, each according to the measure of faith that God has assigned. Romans 12:3 ESV
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March 06, 2006
Changes
A few people have mentioned to me some changes in terminology they'd like to see. Those changes have been made. I appreciate your telling me...and hope you won't hesitate in the future to make suggestions.
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On the one hand...
...this marriage thing seems so normal. Last year I was single, then dating, then engaged, then married. It's just been one change after another, but each change has 'felt' really natural, like this is the way my life is supposed to be. On the other hand, I stop and think of the last few years of my life and have to remind myself "I'm a married woman" because I always expected it to feel different, unique. But it's just my life.
I don't know. Maybe I'm just rambling. But I still say it feels more normal than I expected it to be. And The Dude said the same thing yesterday getting ready for church: "Does it ever seem strange or weird that we're actually married?" Hmmm.
Posted by The Newest Worker at 04:17 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
March 01, 2006
Pet Peeves
Being called 'honey' or any other diminutive by any customer for any reason. Especially the old men.
Having people say "thank you muchly." Or even "thank you much." Just say "thank you," people.
Posted by The Newest Worker at 05:23 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack