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March 31, 2006
Moderately connected thoughts upon returning from Dahlonega
I haven't written a good "On this day in history" post in a while, and have allowed our engagement anniversary to pass by. No worries, friends, I'll do some serious backblogging, but first I must post some of my deep thoughts regarding marriage.
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I just returned from a little trip to Sister's in North Georgia. She and her husband are housesitting and their temporary home is great, and it was a really nice time to be there with her.
I noticed the way she and her husband interact. One of the things I value most about The Dude is his friendship, and I see that Sister has a friendship with her husband too. They get each other and value each other...and let a lot of crap slide.
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I often tell myself and my single friends that I used to be single and I get the struggle, I get the pain...I get it. But I wonder if I really do. I remember being single and hanging out with my Newlywed Sister and being pissed off at her telling me she understood how I felt. Now that I've crossed the Grand Canyon (got married) I don't think I can claim that I do get it now...that I understand your feelings, singles.
I remember the feelings. I remember them well, but I don't have them now. I've adjusted to the state of matrimony, of being half of an us and living with a roommate that I love and live for (he would die for me...it's a fair trade off), I don't remember the single estate anymore.
Anyone out there ever had chronic pain? Or recurrent pain? You don't remember the pain once it's passed. You remember that it did hurt at that time, but you can't recall the actual texture of the pain, the way it rippled up and down your leg when you tried to move it, like fire and ice and an axe all at once only inside your leg but not in the bone... That's how we Married People who remember Singleness are. We recall the loneliness of being single, but can't feel it again.
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One of my college profs used to say "We have more in common than we have separating us" when she spoke of gender differences--biological, psychological, behavioral, and so on. That's true for Marrieds and Singles too.
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Think of this, Singles. I was recently looking for a teaching job (again) on a job board and kept getting my hopes up then remembering "Oh yeah. I can't just up and move to Atlanta, to Florida, to Arizona, to San Francisco where the jobs are. I'm stuck here."
I'm not stuck in a bad way (I am not complaining!). But I'm glued to this man where he is and he's glued to me. In the past I could (and did!) up and move to where to jobs were, and now I can't. That's one thing you have over us Marrieds.
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Sister was telling me about one of her grad. school classmates who complains constantly. They're 2.5 years into the 3.5 year program, so the sobriety of knowing that "200+ people applied to be in this class at this university, and I'm one of 24 that got in...tons of people would be happy to be here where I am" has worn off.
That's typical, but then Sister mentioned that this classmate also attends that same church as Sister and her husband. (How often do I complain and turn people off to the gospel? How often do I complain and turn my own thoughts off how much God has blessed me and onto how much he is using my struggles to grow, discipline, and refine me?)
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The Dude has been grading papers this week (it's his spring break). He's really tired of it, and finally turned the tube onto a Stupid Movie. It's good to hear him laugh.
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Thanks to Bobbo for the shout out on your blog. I'm very complimented.
The first time I thought "___ is like ___" was in high school...traveling to Denver every Friday night with Dad (1.5 hours one way) to Latvian Folk Dance Practice. I love dancing, esp. the polka, and I'm good, and it's fun.
Dancing a fast polka is like marriage. You have to trust your partner, you have to listen to the tempo and speed up or slow down as necessary, and you have to move as if your two bodies are one. This moves the center of gravity out of your torso, forward into the space between your bodies. You counterbalance each other and lean back into each others arms. Every couple has to figure out that fine balance for themselves, and practice, and trust each other. The crux is that you're not walking, you're not running, you're not an individual anymore...you are part of a dance pair and your body can't move like you're out there all alone anymore. You have to acknowledge your partner with more than just lip service...with your whole physical being you have to KNOW that it's not just walking anymore.
Boy-o that was rambly! I guess you have to be a dancer to get it. A polka-ist.
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I hear big splashes of rain outside my window. I love the sound of rain and the smell of it.
Just Chatter , My $0.02 , Ponderings. , Wifery | By The Newest Worker | 08:59 PM
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Comments
You're welcome.
And are you Workers still up for a dinner party sometime? I will try to call you both tomorrow afternoon.
And the polka sounded a lot like the three-legged race. A partner and I actually won a school-wide competition of it in the third or fourth grade. Of course, the polka probably looked cooler...
Posted by: bob at April 1, 2006 05:30 PM
Yes. Call.
Posted by: Me at April 1, 2006 06:15 PM